


Resmooting the Bridge

by Ellidfics



Series: Captain Fraudulent:  The Outtakes [39]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, MIT, Smoot Marks, college pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 12:40:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8056780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellidfics/pseuds/Ellidfics
Summary: Being Tony Stark's college roommate is not necessarily a good thing.





	Resmooting the Bridge

Dusk was descending over Cambridge as Rhodey hurried across the Harvard bridge. Normally he'd be taking a couple of minutes to relax between class and dinner, but the note on his door that said “ΛΧΑ HALFWAY TO HELL” superimposed on a Stark Industries logo, combined with the notable lack of mouthy teenage genius, had ended that cunning plan.

“I told him not to taunt the Lambdas, but would he listen? Of course not, he's too _smart_ for that, never mind he's a kid - “

“I heard that, Rhodes!” Several ropes were looped the bridge railing right at the Halfway to Hell Smoot Mark. The ropes creaked as something heavy swung back and forth. “Jesus, this is worse than it looks and - “

“Tony.” Rhodey peered over the railing to see a flailing figure hanging by one leg from a complicated rope harness. A New Man concert t-shirt had fallen down to reveal a hairless, winter-pale stomach. “You actually let the Lambdas grab you and hang you over the Charles? You, of all people?”

Tony glared up at him, then grunted and stopped trying to look up when he was facing down. A neatly written sign that read “Revenge of the Smoots” had been pinned to his crotch. “Why are you, of all people, _letting_ me hang upside down over the Charles, Mr. Straight Arrow ROTC Cadet?”

Rhodey leaned against the railing and shook his head. His suitemate was so brilliant it was easy to forget that he was still only fifteen and had the common sense of a lump of asphalt. “I told you not to piss off the Lambdas - ”

“They have terrible taste, they wouldn't let me pledge!” 

“ - and what do you do? You pissed off the Lambdas.” Rhodey made that little mm-mm-mm noise his grandmother did when one of his cousins acted up in church. Later he could admit that he was relieved that the Lambdas hadn't done more to Tony than simply hang him off the bridge, but that could wait. “I told you changing the Smoot Marks to Stark Marks during construction was a lousy idea.”

“Construction is the perfect time, what are you talking about? Who's going to notice?” 

"Besides the Lambdas? Oh, maybe just the cops, and the _Globe_ , and your father - "

There was a laugh from the water as a slim girl in a MIT sweatshirt glided up in a rowboat and paused to take in the sight of Howard Stark's only child getting his just desserts. Tony scowled at the sound and flipped her the bird, which only made her laugh harder. 

“Like Dad has any use for Smoot," Tony said. "Besides, Smoot isn't even an engineer. He's a _lawyer_.”

“And I'm going to be a pilot, not an inventor, weapons designer, or whatever else you're planning to be this week.” It was a cold spring night, with a hint of rain, and Tony couldn't be comfortable. Rhodey considered tossing him his sweatshirt, then realized it would go straight into the Charles unless Tony was much more agile than the usual electronics nerd. “Big deal.”

“Big deal, he says. Big deal!” Tony waved his arms, yelping as the motion set the rope swinging back and forth again. “Oh hell, get me down, I'm gonna barf - “

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “Stop being so damn dramatic. You had three of those eggless egg sandwich things last week and didn't even burp. You're not going to barf.”

“As long as he doesn't puke on me, I'll be happy,” the girl chimed in. She shook her long, dark hair back over her shoulders. “Are you Tony Stark? Did you really try to resmoot the bridge?”

“That's me, yes, and who are you?” Tony tried to look as flirtatious as a fifteen year old hanging by one leg from a bridge could manage. “New in town?”

“Nah. I'm a sophomore.” She stood up, braced herself to counteract the slight rocking of the boat, and held out her hand for a shake. “Sunset Bain. Call me Sunny.”

Rhodey's eyebrows went up. Most of the female students had enough years on Tony that they found him more annoying than amusing, let alone worthy of more than five seconds' attention. “Bain? As in Bain Capital?”

“Bain Technology,” she said, laughing again as Tony managed to brush his fingertips against hers. “Different company. They're venture capitalists. We're electronics.”

“Tony Stark. You can call me Tony.” The brief touch set Tony swinging yet again, this time in a vaguely elliptical motion. “Aka the Human Foucault Pendulum.”

“Call me Sunny,” repeated the girl. She was pretty enough t if you liked false eyelashes and overpermed hair, not that Tony was old enough to know the difference. “Need help?”

“Maybe? If my so-called best friend is willing to cut me down and - “

“'So-called'?” Rhodey grabbed the rope and gave it a yank upwards. Tony howled, free foot flailing wildly as he nearly slammed legs-first into the underside of the bridge. “Who pulled your ass out of the Rat when they busted you for being underage? Who drove you to Lake Waban over Christmas break? Who cleaned up after that robot thing - “

“Okay, okay!” Tony had turned a distressing shade of red from blood pooling in his face. “You're my best friend! I admit it! I'm sorry! Now _cut me down_!”

Rhodey sighed. “You want down? You got it, bro,” he said, whipped out his Swiss Army knife, and began sawing away. The rope was nylon, which was a pain, but fortunately whichever Lambda was involved knew enough to pad and tie it so Tony wouldn't completely lose blood circulation in his foot. 

“Finally, if I lost a limb you know my dad - “

“Your dad isn't the one who's going to have to repaint all the damn Smoot marks,” said Rhodey. He paused long enough to lean over the bridge and point his finger at the Revenge of the Smoots sign. “That would be you, and probably me since the Lambdas seem to think I'm your keeper or something.”

“Keeper? Ha! As - “

Whatever else Tony might have said was cut off with a shriek and a very loud thump as the rope parted at last and he fell smack into the center of Sunset Bain's rowboat. There was a lot of scrabbling, a few choice curses, and a sloshing sound, then what sounded suspiciously like a feminine giggle.

“Stop it, we'll capsize - “

“River's not deep here, don't worry - “

“Careful, the oars!”

“Ooo, oars. Talk dirty to me, baby.”

“They're just oars - “

Rhodey groaned at the rowboat drifted downstream toward the Longfellow Bridge, well out of reach of angry Lambdas and their vandalized Smoots. Leave it to Tony to make a mess and leave someone else to clean up afterwards.

**Author's Note:**

> Oliver Reed Smoot, Jr., MIT '62, was a pledge at the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity in 1958 when his fraternity brothers decided to measure the Harvard Bridge by laying him end to end and painting [Smoot marks"](http://aether.lbl.gov/www/personnel/smoot/smoot-measure.html) every 5'7". The local police began using the Smoot marks as reference points when writing up traffic tickets on the bridge, and thanks to this they're periodically repainted. Smoot himself went on to become a prominent attorney and head of the American National Standards Institute, and was honored by having the term "smoot" added to the American Heritage Dictionary in 2011.
> 
> His son, Stephen Smoot, also attended MIT and also pledged Lambda Chi Alpha. However, an attempt to resmoot the bridge with Stephen Smoot failed when his fraternity brothers realized that he was several inches taller than his father, which would throw the whole thing off.


End file.
